A man went to the doctor 's office to ask for a triple dosage of Viagra.
Doctor: I can’t give you a triple dose.
Man: Why not?
Doctor: Because it's not safe.
Man: But I need it really bad.
Doctor: Well, why do you need it so badly?
Man: My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.
The doctor finally relented.
Doctor: All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor’s office...his right arm in a sling.
Doctor: Good God! What happened to you?
Man: No one showed up.
Stupid Jokes
Probably a few repeats, but...........
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
---------------------------------------
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
----------------------------------------
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
------------------------------------------
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed.
The police are blaming AL IKEA.
----------------------------------------
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
----------------------------------------
Police stops a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"
----------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"b@11@x to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
-----------------------------------
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
---------------------------------------------
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
--------------------------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate.
When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for
30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
----------------------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan . He is making Land Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well!
Prophets are going through the roof!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart;
what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
---------------------------------------
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
----------------------------------------
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
------------------------------------------
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed.
The police are blaming AL IKEA.
----------------------------------------
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
----------------------------------------
Police stops a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?"
The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that........3 of you have got to get out!"
----------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"b@11@x to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
-----------------------------------
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
---------------------------------------------
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
--------------------------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate.
When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for
30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your one year manufacturer's warranty runs out soon.
----------------------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan . He is making Land Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well!
Prophets are going through the roof!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple are in church. About halfway through the service, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart;
what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
-
corrado
- Dealer
- Posts: 2588
- Joined: Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:12 am
- Main scooter: Lambretta GP
- Location: Top of Blackpool Tower
- Contact:
This morning I went to a meeting for my Premature Ejaculator's support group.
But it turns out that it's tomorrow.
..................................................................................................
The families of three British teenage girls thought to have run away to Syria have come together and pleaded with their daughters to come home.
"We are losing child tax credits and family allowance," claimed the girls' fathers.
But it turns out that it's tomorrow.
..................................................................................................
The families of three British teenage girls thought to have run away to Syria have come together and pleaded with their daughters to come home.
"We are losing child tax credits and family allowance," claimed the girls' fathers.
i said to my mate...have you ever had rodeo sex..no he says whats that...i said you take your wife from behind slide inside her reach around then you take a tit in each hand then whisper in her ear that they feel just like her sisters..then see how long you can hold on for. 